It is important to remember that your relationship with your son or daughter will change over the coming months and years. We hope these tips will be helpful to you as you make the transition.

It is important to send lots of mail, even if you don't get any in return. There is no greater joy for a college student than to get a letter or a care package from home. Even though students are excited to experience the independence of being away from home, most still need to feel family ties and the security and warmth of a message from home. Along with letters and cards, other good ideas include sending a hometown newspaper or a favorite homemade food, especially on holidays. Parenting can be a lonely job, especially during the college years. Don't be upset if you do not hear from your son or daughter for extended periods of time.

Plan a campus visit to spend time with your son or daughter. Do not show up unannounced. Visits from parents are another aspect that some students are reluctant to admit looking forward to, but they are normally much appreciated. Having a prearranged weekend gives the student and you, the parents, something to look forward to. It's a time for your son or daughter to introduce you to their new friends, and it's a time for you to become familiar with your student's new life.

Remember to treat your son or daughter as an adult. Perhaps one of the greatest struggles for college students is being recognized as an adult. No matter how independent they may become, students want their parents to treat them as adults.

Encourage your student to participate in campus organizations and activities. Students who get involved on campus have greater academic success than students who only study. It may be difficult for your student to find a niche, but persuade them to not give up. Finding their place at a large university can be a struggle for students, but they can do it!

Encourage your student to foster a good relationship with his/her academic advisor and to continue to seek their advice throughout their academic career. Advising mistakes can prove costly in terms of expense and delayed graduation, and maintaining open communication with an academic advisor can help students stay on track.

Make sure that your son or daughter keeps the registrar's office informed of address changes. Maintaining the proper permanent and on-campus address is essential for your son or daughter to receive prompt information from the university.

Be patient with your son or daughter. College and the experiences associated with it can bring about many changes. The college years are a time of great change, and it is important that students receive support and patience from their family.

Teach your student how to balance a checkbook and handle other financial responsibilities before he or she leaves home. Many students fall into the trap of credit card offers and may reach a maximum limit on a credit card before they realize the ramifications of bad credit.

Remind your student to be aware of personal safety issues, both on and off campus. Your son or daughter can only be as safe as they allow themselves to be. Encourage your student to be aware of their surroundings and not walk alone at night. Remind them of the important issues involving alcohol related issues.

Don't panic. All students face challenges and struggles as they go through their college careers, and you might even get a phone call or two when your student feels overwhelmed. When the whole world seems to be toppling down all at once, your student is going to turn to the one place that has always been a source of strength ¨C home. Listen to your son or daughter and try to encourage them, but don't panic! Every student has a bad day.

Buy your student a grocery-store gift certificate. Even if a student has a meal plan, it's nice to have a little money to spend at the grocery store. If you give your student money to spend at the grocery, it may be spent on other things, but a grocery gift certificate is sure to be spent on extra food and snacks your student might want.

Trust them. No matter how much you want to, you have to let your son or daughter make his or her own decisions. College students struggle with making their own decisions. Finding oneself is a difficult enough process without feeling that the people whose opinions you respect most are second-guessing your own second-guessing.

Don't tell your student that college should be the best years of your life. College students, especially first years, experience the highs and lows of life at a time when they are just learning how to handle experiences as an adult. Parents who insist that the college years are the greatest time in life place an unintentional pressure on their students and cause students to second-guess the situations and decisions they make. The best way to help your student is to accept the highs and the lows that the college experience offers your student.

(Complied from the University of Tennessee website)

Books

In Addition to Tuition: The Parents' Survival Guide to Freshman Year of College.

M.E. Borden, M.A. Burleinson, and E.R. Kearns. (1995) Facts On File, Inc: New York.
What parents may not know about sending their first child to college fills a large volume¡ªin this case, a detailed, step-by-step guide to both the undisputable facts and the judgment calls of the first college year.  Knowing what to say to your child, how to say it, and when is as important as purchases, packing and moving in, paying bills and such typical challenges as roommates, grades, social life and avoiding risks. Although rather dry and matter-of-fact, Borden and colleagues' practical adviser provides neophyte parents of a college student with informed insights into college life and tips for making their and their child's transition a smooth one.

Empty Nest¡­Full Heart: The Journey From Home to College.

A.V. Steenhouse, Ph.D. (1998) Simple Life Press: Denver
Beginning with the senior year in high school, moving through the summer year after graduation, the final departure for college and the freshman year, Andre Van Steenhouse offers a lighthearted, yet savvy look at this turbulent time through her generous and compassionate world view, making it lively, humorous and emotionally resonant.  She has interviewed hundreds of families making this difficult passage and includes their stories while providing her trademark sensitivity for handling each stage of the journey.

When Kids Go to College: A Parent's Guide to Changing Relationships.

B.M. Newman and P.R. Newman.  (1992) Ohio State University Press: Columbus. Parents report how useful this book is for keeping a positive relationship with their student during the college years. So much is changing and parents want to understand what is happening for their student so that they can help the child develop successfully and lay the ground work for rewarding adult relationships. Parenting doesn't end when children go to college; many parents continue to make important contributions to their child's development.  Some parents become very sad when their children go away.  This book helps parents understand them better and keep in touch

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